It’s easy to fall into the "compare and despair" trap. The desire to measure our progress and success is natural, but when it veers into constant comparison with others, it can chip away at our confidence, create insecurity, and fuel imposter syndrome. For leaders in retail, where visibility and pressure to perform are high, these feelings can hinder both personal satisfaction and professional growth.
The Trap of Comparison
You'll probably see it on linkedin, the digital age has amplified our ability to see others’ achievements, creating a distorted lens through which we judge ourselves. In retail leadership, it's common to compare ourselves to other leaders’ career paths, strategies, or even their apparent ease with which they seem to “have it all.” But what’s often hidden behind boardroom successes is the struggle, the hard work, and the failures that aren’t publicised.
Research from the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin highlights the real impact of constant comparison on self-esteem and personal well-being. Studies led by social psychologists, including Ethan Kross and Philippe Verduyn, have shown that individuals who frequently compare themselves to others are at a heightened risk of developing a negative self-image. This effect stems from what psychologists call "self-discrepancy"—the gap between who we are and who we wish we were. Over time, this habit reinforces negative self-perceptions and diminishing self-worth.
Comparing yourself to others can lead to a variety of emotional and psychological challenges, such as:
Increased Anxiety and Stress: Constant comparison can make you feel like you’re in a perpetual race, causing stress levels to rise as you try to “catch up.”
Imposter Syndrome: When we see others’ accomplishments and feel like we don’t measure up, imposter syndrome—feeling like a fraud in your role—can creep in. This self-doubt can sabotage leadership confidence, making it difficult to step up and make key decisions.
Erosion of Self-Belief: Comparing yourself to others can wear down your self-esteem over time. When we’re too focused on others’ successes, it’s easy to overlook our own achievements, further eroding self-belief.
Lack of Focus: Shifting our attention to what others are doing takes away from our ability to focus on our own goals and strengths, ultimately hindering our growth.
Recognising the Impact of Insecurity
Feelings of insecurity and a lack of self-belief can be debilitating, especially when holding a leadership role where decisions impact not only your own career but the direction of your team and organisation. For retail leaders, insecurity can result in decision paralysis or hesitancy to make bold moves. This ripple effect can impact team morale, trust, and ultimately, business outcomes.
To tackle these challenges, it’s crucial to focus inwardly and identify where the feelings of insecurity and self-doubt stem from. Awareness is the first step in breaking free from the cycle of comparison. Recognizing that these feelings don’t define your potential is empowering—and can be the key to rediscovering self-assurance.
Coaching: A Powerful Tool to Break Free from "Compare and Despair"
Executive coaching offers a safe, structured space to explore and dismantle unhelpful beliefs around comparison and imposter syndrome. Here’s how coaching can help:
Building Self-Awareness: One of the main benefits of coaching is the heightened self-awareness it brings. A coach can guide you through reflective exercises to uncover underlying insecurities, tracing them back to their source. Often, these issues have little to do with your actual abilities and more to do with conditioned beliefs or past experiences.
Reframing Your Mindset: A coach will help you learn techniques to reframe negative thoughts. For instance, instead of seeing others’ success as a threat, coaching encourages you to view it as inspiration or proof of what’s possible. Through structured discussions, you’ll develop a mindset that values your own unique path, strengths, and pace of progress.
Defining Personal Goals: Comparison often arises when we lack clarity on our own goals. Coaching helps you set concrete, meaningful objectives that are aligned with your personal and professional values. With a clear vision, you’re less likely to feel threatened by others’ achievements, as you’ll be focused on your own path.
Building Confidence through Achievements: In coaching, you’ll also learn to celebrate your own successes, no matter how small they seem. By setting incremental goals and tracking your progress, you can build confidence and start appreciating your achievements, reducing the need to look to others for validation.
Practical Steps to Take Today
While coaching can be a long-term strategy, here are some immediate steps you can take to avoid the comparison trap:
Limit Social Media: Curbing time spent on platforms where you’re likely to encounter others’ curated successes can help reduce feelings of inadequacy.
Celebrate Wins: Take time to acknowledge and celebrate your own achievements. Keep a record of these wins to revisit when self-doubt arises.
Practice Gratitude: A gratitude journal can remind you of the positive aspects of your own journey, helping you stay grounded and focused.
Surround Yourself with Supportive People: Connect with colleagues, mentors, or fellow leaders who uplift you rather than drive competition. A supportive network can be a powerful antidote to feelings of inadequacy.
Breaking free from “compare and despair” isn’t easy, especially in a competitive field like retail. However, with the right strategies and support from a coach, you can reduce the grip of comparison, overcome imposter syndrome, and step into a more confident version of yourself. The journey is about embracing your own unique path and trusting that your value as a leader isn’t defined by how you measure up to others—it’s defined by the impact you create in your role.
I am an executive coach based in Newbury West Berkshire, I’m able to work virtually online or in person with individuals and teams. With over 25 years of experience as a retail buyer for market-leading companies such as Disney, Waitrose, and Paperchase, I leverage all of my experience into my coaching practice. I deeply understand the world of retail and how tough the industry is right now against the backdrop of the cost of living crisis and ever-demanding customer expectations. I am trained and licensed to use the MTQ suite of mental toughness assessments and specialise in mental toughness in the context of retail as well as being a certified coach with the ILM 5 in Effective Coaching and Mentoring. If this blog resonates with you and there are things you are interested in exploring contact me for a free discovery call on cara@bidiliretail.com.
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